I have WiFi at home and at work. So…

Am I paying $90 a month so I can text from my car?

I don’t talk on the phone, so…

Guys.

I think I’m paying $90 a month so I can text from my car.

Without pulling into a Starbucks.

Then factor in that you’re not even legally allowed to text from a car while driving.

So I’m paying $90 a month to text from wherever I went in case they don’t have WiFi.

That shit is beyond first-world.

This is some PRE-world shit.

Brb canceling my AT&T plan and buying a disposable drug dealer phone to text people from places without WiFi.

Then I’ll use the money I save to buy a bunch of drugs that I will then sell with my drug dealer phone.

I am the smartest man alive.

UPDATE:

All I would miss by cutting this damned cord that pumps 90 bucks to AT&T every month is GPS navigation and the ability to IMEDIATELY Instagram something.

And you know what?

I think I would fucking ENJOY not being able to access all of this whenever I wanted.

I think it would make me less of an asshole who is always on his phone just because he can be. Checking Instagram, closing it, and reopening it because my stupid brain doesn’t even think about the buttons anymore. It just pushes.

My contract isn’t up until October, damn it.

But after that, I think I’m over this. Give me a flip phone back that I’ll bet I flip open once a month because the text can’t wait, and I’ll use my iPhone as a wifi texting device.

We are paying a collective millions of dollars each month so our friends don’t have to wait until we get home to see pictures of our salads.

We are idiots.

Maybe I’ll actually see the things and people I walk past from now on.

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