A Glass Half-Full (of Pessimism)
“Hello” and “hi” are synonyms. But you sound like a damned fool if you pick up a phone and ask: “Hi?” How did a greeting-turned-question become the go-to phone-answering choice? What are we asking? “Can I greet you?” “Is it acceptable to you that I have engaged you in conversation?” “DO WE EVEN EXIST?” The greeting has come to feel like we are in a way that makes very little sense asking for the identity of the caller. But in this age of caller ID, that feeling has been removed from the equation. We know who is calling us, and the gap between being approached by someone on a street and taking their call is narrowing. Imagine doing this after seeing your friend walking toward you in a bar. Imagine asking him: “Hey?” …then waiting for his response. I move that we eliminate the “Questioning Hello” from our language, and replace it with something more appropriate to our day and age. What should it be? …hello?

“Hello” and “hi” are synonyms.

But you sound like a damned fool if you pick up a phone and ask: “Hi?”

How did a greeting-turned-question become the go-to phone-answering choice?

What are we asking?

“Can I greet you?”

“Is it acceptable to you that I have engaged you in conversation?”

“DO WE EVEN EXIST?”

The greeting has come to feel like we are in a way that makes very little sense asking for the identity of the caller.

But in this age of caller ID, that feeling has been removed from the equation.

We know who is calling us, and the gap between being approached by someone on a street and taking their call is narrowing.

Imagine doing this after seeing your friend walking toward you in a bar.

Imagine asking him: “Hey?”

…then waiting for his response.

I move that we eliminate the “Questioning Hello” from our language, and replace it with something more appropriate to our day and age.

What should it be?

…hello?

Posted 1 month ago
87 notes
  1. Greg answered: On Seinfeld, Kramer would just answer the phone: “Go”.
  2. bmysterious answered: yeah!
  3. craiglikesit answered: i want this phone
  4. itsadrian reblogged this from luckyshirt
  5. toastytoast reblogged this from luckyshirt
  6. colortheworld answered: DIME. the spanish have got it right :0 (“SPEAKTOME!”)
  7. fighterjets answered: Hello isn’t a question, it’s a statement. It was created to replace “Ahoy-hoy” when answering the phone.
  8. teardropsnlollipops reblogged this from luckyshirt
  9. thosehoipolloi reblogged this from luckyshirt
  10. tonis reblogged this from luckyshirt
  11. t-alex reblogged this from luckyshirt
  12. triketora reblogged this from luckyshirt
  13. igorlacee reblogged this from gkojaz
  14. folieadude reblogged this from luckyshirt and added:
    first two sentences make
  15. gkojaz reblogged this from luckyshirt
  16. queentazo reblogged this from luckyshirt
  17. redtribution reblogged this from luckyshirt
  18. jmvanderpol answered: I say, move away from the questions all together. We should be assertive and confronting in our statement. Answer with “Here”!
  19. shaunbwilson answered: Read this: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/He…
  20. sendchocolate answered: How about “Waddup?” In Spanish, both answerer and caller will say “Bueno?” Which is good. My surname is spanish. I don’t speak but get calls
  21. whatson reblogged this from luckyshirt
  22. This was featured on Tumblr Radar
  23. funsizebytes answered: “I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS.” “TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD” “Draper residence…”
  24. baileygenine answered: I read the caller ID and then silence my phone and think about how lame it is that phones still exist.
  25. stay-gold-ponyboy answered: ‘hey, how are you?’ feels appropriate. hahaha,
  26. inneed reblogged this from luckyshirt
  27. jmath answered: brought to you by the same folks who came up with “No Problem” as a response to “Thank You.”
  28. doublejack answered: Ahoy-hoy!
  29. mathcat345 answered: Smoking or non-smoking?
  30. poeks answered: I usually subvert this by asking something practical, like, “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck?” or “Do you like big butts?”
  31. mayjah answered: Yeeesss??? lets me ask what they want but in an old-movie kinda way. Goes well with the maribou robe and 1000 mile stare.
  32. crazycolours answered: Sometimes I answer the phone with, “Bangor Lighthouse?”
  33. ronbailey answered: “I don’t know, human”
  34. cleversimon answered: Etiquette isn’t always logical. Why change what ain’t broke?
  35. karinanotcinerina answered: Politeness is never uncool.
  36. redcloud reblogged this from smartasshat and added:
    “Hurry up and get this over with.” “Am I going to get another chance to talk during this call, or should I say...
  37. rolandfox answered: Roadkill Café. You kill it, we grill it. What can I get you?
  38. nicky36 answered: “GO”
  39. bananacasts answered: The ONLY way to answer a phone is, “Poco on the Beachside.”
  40. extraspecialbitter answered: ¡Hola!?
  41. crookedindifference answered: “fidel castro dry cleaning, how may i help you?”
  42. extraspecialbitter reblogged this from luckyshirt and added:
    This exact same monologue...run through my own head countless times. thanks...
  43. nickdouglas answered: You don’t just say, “Sup?”
  44. smartasshat reblogged this from luckyshirt and added:
    “WHAT.” It’s what
  45. rascoagogo answered: That’s why I answer the phone in Russian.
  46. kaffeineme answered: Your mom would like to butt in and say, “I don’t know, CAN you?”
  47. smartasshat answered: WHAT.
  48. biorhythmist answered: I needed this class to graduate, dammit. What the hell is wrong with you.
  49. steelopus answered: I do not know, human.
  50. kryz answered: What.
  51. reimer answered: I don’t have the answer, but I do know that people are very startled when you answer “Hi, ___!”
  52. jaydensmommie answered: I hate you.
  53. luckyshirt posted this