I’m okay. Living the kind of life you would expect from a person like me in my situation. Almost got hit by a train. Drew some stuff. Got in a fight with a cop. Slept in the basement of an abandoned building. Lost some weight. Built some furniture. Wrote some stuff in a car when I didn’t know which state I was in. Saw an owl. Got an Oreo McFlurry that was almost entirely Oreos. Like that McDonald’s that night was just like fuck all of these Oreos. These all have to go. Tonight. That was a good night. You usually don’t see that in a McFlurry. Like there is always that point where you know the next scrape is going to reveal nothing but pure white Oreoless misery. Not that night. Not that McFlurry. I’m leaving California. I leave it a lot, but I mean for good. Filming some stuff tomorrow somewhere. None of it makes sense. I don’t really think it ever will.
The art supply store. For the artist, this is a place of possibility, and hope, and lust, and terror. I have followers who were not yet born the last time I was here. I’ve managed to stay away a very long time. But I’m here now. Maybe only because I no longer have to worry about a lot of the things I brought with me to this place so long ago. Most of all, I no longer have to worry about failing.
I told them to pick out a toy. He came back holding this and a Hot Wheels box. He couldn’t decide which to get. So I told him to close his eyes. I held up the Hot Wheels and told him to open them. He did. I told him to close them again. I held up the Pony and told him to open them again. He did. He smiled more at the Pony. I told him so. He chose the Pony. I think a lot of things really are that easy.
And this is the hallway where I was standing when I heard that voice telling me I’m in the wrong place. It’s not a literal voice, but I’m not prepared to say that makes me any less crazy, or that it makes the voice any less right. Even though my life is amazing and perfect. But amazing and perfect aren’t always the goal. So because I am who I am and because my life is what it is, that means a lot of things are ending here in Emerald City. But it also means a lot of things are about to start.